Homebirth: Part 1

Alas, the long awaited post on homebirth!  For those who know me are probably not surprised that I have decided to do a homebirth (I’ve been described as ‘granola’ before) and those who know my husband would be surprised if we didn’t do a homebirth.  I had considered it before (as in before getting pregnant and before getting married for that matter) and thought that a birthing center would be a good route. It would be less risky but also less invasive and hopefully natural! I always want everything to be natural.  After getting pregnant I took to doing more research and gathering information about all the possible options. I’m pretty sure the librarian knew I was pregnant before anyone else did.  The Mr. strongly urged me to consider a homebirth, his cousin had done it and it went wonderfully and successfully.  It seemed a little uncomfortable for me and I had so many questions but then again I had questions about hospital births, too!

I scheduled my first prenatal appointment at 8 weeks with a certified nurse midwife at the local hospital. Call me old fashioned (or some may call me stupid) but I had never gone to the “lady doctor” before.  As I waited for the midwife half-naked sitting on a strip of paper on an uncomfortable ‘bed’ and reading the birth-control advertisement posted on the stirrups (classy) I thought “this doesn’t feel like I want it to feel.”  The nurse-midwife came in, gave me my exam and then stayed for questions. I had a lot.  I asked her the usual ‘what’s your cesarean rate’ and ‘mortality rate’ kinds of questions first and discovered that I didn’t need to know them about her but rather about the hospital because unless I went into labor on a Thursday someone else would be attending my birth. Apparently this is normal. I was shocked! You mean to tell me that I can not get one person to care for me throughout my pregnancy? You mean to tell me that a complete stranger might be bringing my baby into the world?  How many people will I have to expose my most personal and private parts to?  But it didn’t end there. I continued to ask if she had ever attended a homebirth and she told me that it was illegal for midwives to perform homebirths in the state of Georgia. I asked about birthing centers and she told me that there hasn’t been a birthing center in northern Georgia for almost thirty years.  Needless to say I was upset! My hopes of having a comfortable and natural birth experience were quickly going out the window. I had to hold back from crying as I walked to the lab where they stuck me with needles and I peed in a cup. 

If it hadn’t been for my husband I probably would’ve succumbed to the system and gone through the motions as a robot, as many women unfortunately do.  Thankfully he called his cousin who had had the homebirth and who is also a lawyer and she informed us that it is in fact not illegal to have a homebirth in Georgia. No, there are no birthing centers and midwives are hard to find because there are a lot of legal hoops to jump through but it is possible.  As my pregnancy continued to progress I became anxious to find a midwife, not knowing what kind of prenatal care I would need or when.  Long-story-short and by the grace of God we were able to find three midwives to interview for the job (all of which were an hour drive away but we felt it was worth it) and chose one who is a like-minded follower of Christ. 

I don't have enough time to continue but stay tuned for Part II!

B & E

Someone broke into our house Monday night. This is what our front window looks like.

So the story goes...
Justin and I went out for a walk late Monday night. We didn't go far because it was after dark but we locked the door behind us anyway. When we returned about ten minutes later we realized that neither of us brought our keys.  It's ok though because we hid a key in the dog house just in case anything like this ever happened. Well... the key was placed on the inside right corner under the floor mat/insulation... but it wasn't there anymore. We searched and searched we tipped the dog house upside down and nothing happened. The spare key was lost. Upon my husband's suggestion and hasty action he tried to get the windows open in case we left them unlocked. What The Mr. did not know is that they are security windows and lock automatically when you close them. But my husband, not knowing his own strength, pushed hard enough on the window that his hand went straight through it. Thankfully it didn't shatter and left a large hole in the middle in which we could stick both arms through to open the window.  But we still couldn't get it open! Those darn security locks!! The Mr. proceeded to try every window to see if it was unlocked (or never fully closed? But it's February Dear, the windows haven't been opened since November...) meanwhile I walk over to the junk yard and find a long narrow pipe to try to put through the window to see if I can move the lock on the door (it wasn't dead bolted). Neither of us were successful in our attempts.  Luckily The Mr. had rummaged through my purse earlier that afternoon to find something and never took care of it so there it sits on the living room floor. I search the junkyard for a bigger, sturdier pipe with an elbow and, score!, I find just that. I put it in through the window gingerly as to not cut my hands, place the elbow of the pipe through the purse handles and scoop it up to the window! YAY! We get the keys out of the purse, go inside and start 'repairing' the window.  In a weird way I'm thankful that this happened because I really wanted to replace those windows anyway! 

I know I said my next post would be about homebirths but I had to post this first! Next time!

Knitting

I started knitting a hooded baby blanket several weeks ago. I'm not good at knitting but I can handle some basic things. This blanket pattern looked easy so I went for it. Halfway through I discovered that I had done every other row wrong! I took it all out and started over but I just couldn't get it right and after starting over a handful of times I decided to throw in the towel. Now I am crocheting a hooded baby blanket :)
But this post isn't about my craftiness capabilities. It's about a baby :)

A baby that God is knitting inside my womb. It's one thing to read Psalm 139 and think about how God has created you, it's a whole other thing to read it and imagine God continuously at work creating a human being inside you. As I meditated on these verses the other day I sat there feeling unworthy of such a gift and blessing. I felt grateful that God had chosen me, chosen Justin and chosen our little one made just for us :) When God was creating me in my mother's womb he was also creating the very egg that would become my baby! I was in awe of how awesome God is that he is physically doing a work in me. So weird to think about it in that way. Every day God is adding stitches to our baby and as I read books upon books about weekly development I know that God's hand is there every step of the way. I am so eager to meet the little one and gaze upon God's masterpiece!

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

Redefining Me: Expectations

Mother.

A word that I have always used to define someone else. Someone more mature, more experienced, more adult. Adult. Hmmm, that's a word it took me a long time to accept to define myself. Now I see myself as an adult but a mother?? Certainly not... yet.

The Mr. and I are expecting our first baby in July! We are very excited for this new adventure of life. One that we are sure will bring new meaning purpose to our lives. As I stop and think about what it actually means, it freaks me out a little bit. Ok, a lot bit. As far as pregnancy and even labor and delivery are concerned I'm not a bit worried. I don't think it has even really phased me that I am indeed pregnant. I still ask myself everyday "is this f'real?" and everday the Mr. says "you are so pregnant". Should I take that as a compliment?

I've read every book the library has on diet, exercise, homebirth, integrated childbirth, what to expect and so on and so forth. Everything up through day one of our baby's life I feel prepared for or at least comfortable with. Everything after that comes with anxiety and tears (half of the tears I will blame on the surge of estrogen in my system, the other half I will blame on just being me). I am worried that my introvertedness and lack of verbal communication will cause my child to be stunted socially and emotionally. I am afraid that my current state of lacking that nurturing nature I find in most mom's won't come, even though everyone says it's different when it's your own. I'm afraid that I won't know what one cry means versus another. I'm worried that I'll neglect them because I just don't know what to do with babies (really though! I get so bored with babies, they don't do anything!). I'm not ready to be a mom but if I'm not ready at 26 years then I will probably never be ready. Maybe no one is really ready, you just get thrown into it and you learn as you go and you mess up but God is gracious and maybe, just maybe, even if I mess everything up God's grace will keep my children from turning into complete wrecks of society.
One thing that makes me feel better is how confident I am that my husband will be an incredible father. All he has ever wanted is to be a husband and a dad and he is so excited that after much prayer and waiting the dream he has had for so long is finally coming to.
Of course, although I expressed many fears I am still excited. I'm eager to know what it will be like to look in their face and see part of myself and part of my husband crafted into a human being who has put all faith and trust in me to provide for their every need. I'm eager to see their first smile and hear their first laugh knowing that I am the object of their affection and the cause of their joy.
Mother. Justin has already started calling me "mama" and it's so weird! but one day soon it will be weird to be called anything else.

My next post will be about Home Births. Get excited.
I'm also considering moving blog sites, does anyone have any suggestions?

I am the Church. I am the Church?

When The Mr. and I got married we talked a lot about how the Bible regards marriage and how it is such a privilege and blessing for us to partake in this relationship. The union between two people here on this earth are mere representatives of Christ and the Church. My role as wife represents the Church. I am the Church. What does that even mean? I'm learning, quite slowly, what that means and am also learning, unfortunately, how easy it is for the church to fall and sin in the midst of the relationship but also experiencing, fortunately, the faithfulness of Christ to His Church through the faithful love of my wonderful husband.
I am a firm believer of "wives should submit to their husbands" and in theory it all seems somewhat simple. I knew it wouldn't be necessarily easy in practice but I thought I grasped it pretty well. I was wrong. I had lived independently for 26 years. I submitted to no one outside of my working relationships. I did what I wanted when I wanted. I am a pretty laid back person and tend not to worry about much.
Now that I'm married I all of that has changed and the simple day-to-day habits that used to weave through my life are now being challenged and I don't like it. Not one bit. I'm finding that being submissive means submitting in ALL areas, not just some. I'm learning that allowing my husband to be the leader and decision maker of our home and family means that he has the final say of leaving the heater on level 4 or level 4.5 as well as the major things. My urge to bicker and get my own way has increased significantly in the past few months. Things that never mattered before now matter because it sometimes feels like it's all I have, I have to fight for the extra .5 on the heater! If I give him that then he'll have everything! I'll have nothing!!

But that's NOT TRUE!

I trust that the Mr. is fully capable of making the best decisions for us. Even if I know he's wrong on something it is better for our marriage if I let him lead than if I try to prove myself right.
If I truly believe that he will take care of all my needs and provide for me then what do I need anything for? I have to trust that his decision to leave the heater at 4 is the best decision for us and I have to trust that he has my best interests at heart. He will not let me freeze and he will not let me waste his hard earned money on the extra gas.

As I look through Proverbs 31 and set that as my standard I recognize that I have a long way to go but how thankful I am that God has blessed us with such an example! Knowing that a wife of noble character will be praised at the city gates is good motivation to wake when it is still night and work vigorously for the benefit of my husband and our family. I also recognize that such a woman has a husband who has encouraged her towards that end. She doesn't get there by herself! And he too is praised at the city gate.

So does Christ nurture his church so that we may be presented as holy and blameless before him! Marriage is difficult but God is refining me through this fire and I am confident that I will come out the other side as pure silver.

Grilled Pizza Sandwich

I thought I'd try something different for The Mr.'s lunch yesterday, I'm not sure if I got the idea from somewhere or if I thought of it myself but I'm giving myself all the credit :-D

Grilled Pizza Sandwich

Ingredients
Butter (I used Roasted Garlic Butter for added flavor)
Pizza Sauce
Mozzarella
Bread
Pepperoni
(I thought about adding sauteed onions but was too lazy)

1. Butter one side of each slice of bread. Place butter-side down in pan.
2. Spread a minimal amount of pizza sauce on the un-buttered side of bread (I left it in the pan since both sides of the bread would be messy). You want it to be a thin layer so that the cheese will still be able to stick to the bread.

3. Add a layer of mozzarella
4. Add a layer of pepperoni

5. Add another layer of mozzarella
6. Place bread on top, butter-side up. (I suppose you could also add pizza sauce to this slice as well, but I did not.)
7. Grill just like a grilled cheese sandwich.
8. serve and watch your husband stuff his face and make lots of "MMMmmmMMMmm" noises :)

I ate egg salad sandwich due to the need for cheese in this recipe but I'll share my egg salad recipe with you as well. I did not measure any of the ingredients. Sorry.

Egg Salad

Ingredients
6 Hard Boiled Eggs
Mayonnaise
Mustard
about 1T Dill Pickle Juice
Leftover greens from Leeks FINELY chopped
Green Pepper FINELY chopped
fresh Spinach (added to sandwich - NOT mixed in)
Pepper to taste

Mix it all together and serve on bread.
YUMMERS!!

What it means to be a homeowner

As Mr. Freeman and I moved into our unfinished home on November 30th and are taking our time as we finish fixing it up. Our budget has been weened and most of the main/big projects are behind us (save a few I'll mention later). We have been trying to reuse as many materials as possible to help us save money and still get the job done and looking good. A few of our highlights: We put in hardwood floors throughout the upstairs (except the bathroom) for a total of $296.82 and we still have a few boxes left over (that's .50/sq ft!!) and we installed it ourselves saving us money but not stress, our wainscoting we put up in the kitchen cost us NOTHING because we reused crappy old 1980's wood paneling we ripped up from the basement and reused old cabinet molding for the chair rail.

This isn't a great picture but it's the best I have right now. I'll post a full Before/After segment later when we finish packing and I actually clean up a bit! Of course, I cannot disregard the fact that all of our cabinets, stove, fridge and dishwasher have come to us as a gift from The Mr.'s Aunt and Uncle who are remodeling their kitchen. Perfect Timing! Overall we have hardly paid full price for anything except plumbing supplies, we used gift cards and coupons to buy all the paint and have shopped discount stores and used goods for everything else.

Next on the list: HEAT! We are currently without heat and it was a mere 40 degrees when we woke up this morning. It makes it hard to get out of bed! The thought of a hot shower is wonderful but the thought of getting out of the hot shower is far worse and therefore I skipped it today. I'm also spending more time at the library these days :) I'll try to make this whole story brief but there's a lot to it.

A few weeks ago I called to get our gas set up in our house. They run a credit check to figure out if you need to pay a deposit or not which I was fine with because I have excellent credit. When the woman on the phone completed the check she said that they would refuse me service altogether because my score was just that low. Impossible! After further investigation I discover that Sancho and Miguel Dominguez have stolen my social security number and ruined my credit. Thanks guys. I'm currently in the process of getting my full credit report and working with the police to catch the thieves and right the wrong. Meanwhile, Justin is now in charge of taking care of the gas situation. They tell him there will be no deposit but it will take a few days to set us up because there hasn't been gas at the house since 2006. Ok, that's fine. I get a call from the service guy a few days later saying he can't turn on the gas because there are no service pipes running up to the house, it has been too long since it has last had gas. Well, duh. So we wait 5 more days before someone else comes out to assess what it will take to get us hooked up. Apparently Atmos Gas wants to charge us $900 to run a pipe under our road to our house. I DON'T THINK SO! We can't afford that and it's not our pipe, why would we pay for it?!! We don't mind being responsible for what is on our property but that was just ridiculous. After a week of making phone calls to people throughout the company they are finally going to come today, hopefully, to reassess the situation. We're keeping our fingers crossed, hopefully there will be good news by the end of the day. In the mean time I've expended every crock pot recipe I can think of (we have a gas stove) and then some and am sick of having to start dinner at 10am.

On another note, we had our insurance provider come out and look at the house to tell us about home insurance. After all the work we've done to make it livable and in good working order she says that we can't get insured unless we pain the outside of the house. It just never ends. I have to laugh at this point. After The Mr. and I amazingly decided on painting the house yellow without any debate we later find out that yellow means something different to me than it does to him. Half an hour later we have paint and will work on that next weekend (not looking forward to painting outside in freezing temps but you gotta do what you gotta do). Also on the docket: tile in the bathroom! Right now our toilet is balancing on the pipes because the old floor had rotted. It will be nice to be able to sit again! Woop!